How To Find Freedom Through Pain

Many of us spend years trying, just about everything we can, to ease our own suffering.

We try positive thinking, affirmations, prayer, hypnosis, EFT, yoga, meditation, etc. etc. etc.

I was and maybe you too, are or were one of them.

For me nothing really seemed to work at the level I hoped for.

I continued on, for years, thinking maybe it’s because there’s something wrong with me or I’m not doing it right.
Later I discovered that this was not the case.

Rejection Of The Now

There was something I wasn’t seeing.

There was something that all of these healing techniques and methods had in common that I, and most people, are completely oblivious to.

Underlying every one of my attempts for change…

There was an underlying judgement and rejection of the emotional state itself. 

All of these methods focused, in some way, to get rid of the mental/emotional pain.
And for most of us, that’s great because that’s where we’re coming from.
We just want to get over it already!

But inherent in that position is: REJECTION:

I was rejecting the NOW.

I was rejecting what was truly coming up for me – I just wanted uncomfortable feelings to go away.
I was rejecting what I considered to be “bad” and felt I needed to do something to align myself with what I considered to be “good”.

Here’s the thing:

Instead of helping me heal, most of the popular modalities I was using were making things worse.

Why?

Because none of it addressed my underlying dynamics of rejection and judgement of my felt experience, of my thoughts and emotions.

None of them allowed me to fully welcome and be with the thought and emotion.
None of them truly sought to understand the nature of this thought-emotion, what it is and why it was arising at the time, what it had to reveal.

Unresolved Emotional Issues

Not all, but many ‘healing modalities’ today stem from an underlying misunderstanding, judgement and rejection of certain aspects (often called negative, bad, low vibrational, etc) of our experience.

We are, instead, guided to fulfill our secret hope of finally just getting rid of the fear, doubt, shame, deficiency, etc.

And in the process, we may feel wonderful for a while.

But just below the surface, there are unresolved emotional issues pulling our strings.

I’ve seen this within myself and within so many people over the years.

And it isn’t until we finally STOP trying to get rid of our experience and our pain and START welcoming it, being with it, feeling it, being curious about it and seeking to understand it…that we finally start to experience true, deep and genuine transformation, freedom, and peace.

You see, the only reason anyone tries to get rid of their felt experiences is because they don’t really understand them.

And instead of being with the feeling and allowing for it’s wisdom and gifts to reveal to you what it’s really about, most of us just want to run away, get rid of it, change it, reframe it, etc.

All of this means that we’re not receiving the gift that is trying to work its way through us.

We think we need to heal our fear, doubt, anxiety etc.
The truth is that fear, doubt, anxiety etc. are here to heal US.

There are so many unexplored dimensions within our Being.
Unexplored, only because we’ve rejected and judged ourselves and these emotional visitors as ‘bad’ (usually something we learned along the way because nobody helped us to see it differently).

These unexplored dimensions of our Being hold the keys to everything we know in our heart we are here to be and express.

I know – It’s not comfortable.
I know it’s not easy.
Especially by yourself.

Are You Ready?

Most of us truly need someone who has gone into their own depths to resolve their own issues, who can hold a transformative and loving space for us so we can unravel all the frightened, insecure and judgmental parts of the personality.

Many will never get to experience true healing and genuine change until they finally get to a point of despair where they realize they can’t do it by themselves.

This is the point where we become available to the healing that’s wanting to happen in our lives.
This is the point where we surrender and open up and say…

“YES, I am ready to heal. YES, I am ready to be vulnerable. YES, I am ready to be seen, heard and understood. YES, I am ready to embrace my humanity and stop rejecting it.”

Now, I say this because we live in a world where not everyone has somebody who can hold such a space for them.


Perhaps you yourself don’t really have someone, a spiritual partner, who is devoted to your healing and blossoming.

Until you can welcome the true underlying pain that you are in, the pain that engulfs you in times when you are alone, the pain that you avoid through so many ‘clever’ ways – you can never be free.

This pain, in fact, is the doorway to our own freedom. And when we walk through the door, something amazing happens. We see that all our pain and suffering, all our limitations and blocks, were all just a lie, a projection, a dream. And we are left with nothing and everything… at once.

To welcome our suffering is to BE WITH it.  To be with it, is to give it space to be seen, felt, heard, understood, loved and realeased. We often hope someone else will do this for us.

The most anyone can do is to hold a safe, sacred and transformative space for you to allow this to move through you.

Much of my work as a Transformative Coach is holding a sacred space for others to slow down and get real with their experience of life and living.  

I hold a loving and incredibly open space for my clients to see what they are habitually overlooking, denying, judging, and rejecting in their lives, in themselves, in others…

And allow for those perceptions to be seen, welcomed, felt and ultimately, surrendered and released. It’s in this sacred and open space where a new understanding emerges. New insights and revelations flow and people find themselves in a whole new world, with a whole new point of view and with new, previously unexplored dimensions of their own Being.

This is how I help others uncover their Innate Well-Being and Authentic Power – through transformative conversations that heal, awaken and transform.

Feel free to get in touch with me for a 60-90 min Free Clarity Call in which we explore what you deeply and profoundly want for your life, your health, your business, your relationships, your parenting and/or a specific project etc.

We’ll paint a clear picture of the life you envision and are longing for.
Once we’ve established that, we’ll explore your current reality to see where you’re at in relation to where you really want to be.
Once we get a sense of that we’ll explore what you think might be holding you back, the obstacles and challenges in your way.
And finally we’ll be tuning into your willing- and readiness to create the change you wish to see in your world.

You Speak, I Listen, We Dance.

APPLY HERE! I am looking forward to connect…

Or maybe you’ve done tons of inner work yourself and now reached the point where you feel called to explore the possibility of becoming a Transformative Life Coach yourself?

Then definitely check out Transformative Coach Instiute , the online institute where I was trained myself by the very inspiring and loving Joshua Elijah Benavides and Angie King-Nosseir:

My hope is that you find the support you need to blossom into your ultimate possibility as a human being in this life. One way or the other. 

With that, I leave you with a beautiful poem that speaks to all this by the brilliant Sufi Poet, Jalaluddin Rumi:

The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

– Rumi

Big love and blessings!

Luna Joy
Transformative Life Coach | Functional Nutritionist | Yoga Teacher | (trauma-sensitive) Mindfulness Facilitator

8 Comments

  1. Dovey

    Beautifully written. My niece and I were talking about this subject not too long ago. She lost her baby about two years ago. She never let herself grieve. She was too busy pushing the feeling away and trying to heal that she never really allowed the sadness to engulf her.

    So instead of healing, she became trapped in a void. She was walking through life, not feeling like herself, honestly, feeling nothing. I kept telling her she needed to embrace the sadness, anger, and grief, or she would never heal. Luckily her therapist told her how to do this, and she is now starting to move in the right direction.

    As as you said, it is essential to embrace the pain so you can release it. How can you release something, if you are not holding onto it? First, you have to grab ahold of it to release it.

    You know, I have a degree in Psychology, but there are no real job prospectives unless you get a doctrine. I think it is time I look into life coaching. I am going to check out the school you mention. Thank you for the idea.

    On a side note, I love the poem.

    Reply
    1. Luna Joy

      Thank you Dovey for sharing all of that. I am so glad your niece eventually found a way to face and move through her grief. I can only imagine how hard that must have been. Yes, you are spot on when you say that we first must bring our feelings into our Awareness, so they can be seen, understood and loved. And definitely have a look into Transformative Coach Institute. Joshua and Angie are so wonderful, wise and welcoming. I’m sure you will get tons out of it and integrate it with what you already know. If you need any help, let me know, I’m here. Blessings, Luna

      Reply
  2. Kenny Lee

    You’re spot on when you mention we are subconsciously holding ourselves back on most occasions. I recently find forgiveness and gratitude to be two powerful force in removing such blocks in my subconscious, when practiced in the right way. What’s your thought?

    Reply
    1. Luna Joy

      Hi Kenny, absolutely, forgiveness is key in the process of healing. There is no release possible without forgiveness. Gratitude emerges naturally from our being as a natural result. Ultimately it all comes down to self-forgiveness; forgiving ourselves for innocently having misperceived the truth about who we truly are as a result of what someone has said or done ‘to us’. It is a life long journey right? Blessings and Thank you for stopping by!

      Reply
  3. Lynn

    The poem is really beautiful because it accurately describes those times when I feel depressed. I totally agree that we need to solve the underlying problem in order to heal, otherwise the negative thoughts will always come back. Having a professional who is open to talk to can really bring about a substantial amount of relief from the sadness and despair. This is because we can’t see a way out by ourselves. It always helps when there is someone who is in a neutral position to analyse the situation and offer advice or views which we have never thought off, and only then, we can see some hope!

    I can totally relate to this post and is very much inspired by it!

    Reply
    1. Luna Joy

      Thank you Lynn, I’m so glad it inspired you.Yes, I agree, having someone who holds that transformative space for you, a space that feels safe, is vital in everyone’s healing process.

      Reply
    2. Kelyee

      I remembered when my sister told me she had an abortion to a little girl she named Aisha. She didn’t want to but at the time she was on drugs, almost homeless, and she also had two young children. The kid’s father was cheating on her and she was in a bad place.
      She carried her pain with her until she told me about it. It was 12 years ago. She thought about Aisha all the time she even dreamt of her from time to time. She regrets what she did. She didn’t have a choice at the time.
      After she told me about it she said she felt relieved. She went onto telling her two boys that they had a sister and now she’s in heaven.
      I believe that emotional pain hurts more than physical pain. She was able to move on from that pain and now she has a baby girl. So cute!👶

      Reply
      1. Luna Joy

        Thank you so much for sharing your sisters story Kelyee, that must have been so hard for her to keep all to herself for so long. I am so happy she expressed it to you and her children and now even has a little girl. What a blessing.

        Reply

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